I’m in London. What now?

They say that if London bores you, so does life. And yet, you get off the plane for the 16th time, struggle through the luggage reclaim and the annoyingly long journey to the city centre, for what? The crushing crowds, the heavily polluted air or the museums, which are so packed of tourists that you feel tired before you even step your foot in there? Ah, London. Why couldn’t it be Berlin? Or Geneva? Or Istanbul, for that matter? You sit through your meetings and the substandard dinner (never, never again will you walk into a restaurant in Central London without reading the reviews!), and what now?

Here’s a good place to start…

It’s easy to get lost in a city of this size and intensity. There is something for everyone, sure, but how do you find something for yourself in this in heady mix of people, colours and sales pitches? Well, what I will suggest is not going to be revolutionary: ditch the spots you’ve seen before, and make a wide berth around anything that you can access too easily. That restaurant that is just five steps to your hotel? It’s almost guaranteed to deliver poor value at an atrocious price, unless you’re really lucky.

Some seasonal favourites

Instead, try a relaxing walk in Kew Gardens to get away from the hustle-and-bustle of the big city. Have a cup of tea in their pavillion restaurant and walk amongst the treetops dressed in full autumn colour. Not your thing? How about avoiding the crowds and seeing the familiar museums in a different light? Various museums now organise late nights once a month, where organisers provide expertly mixed drinks and music enrich your enjoyment of the collections. Would you prefer a livelier evening? The Vortex in Dalston is a jazz bar at its best: squeeze yourself at one of the small tables and share a bottle of wine with someone, sitting an arm’s length away from some of the finest musicians on the scene.

Best for last

Or are you now standing by the window of your hotel with a headache (apologies, it’s our air pollution again), tired and weary? Bored, so bored of London? Well, I’ve got just a thing. Give me a call and let me relax those stress knots. We’ll start with a classic massage to take your cares away. Then, if you’re gay, bi, or just playful, I can show you a special twist I put on my massages. You will never think of my city as boring again.