If you are thinking about having a gay couples’ massage, you are not alone. Each month, there are 3.5 – 5 thousand searches for ‘couples massage’ in the U.K. It’s really great if your partner is just as excited about it as you are, but what if you haven’t spoken to him about it yet? Perhaps you and your partner find it easy to talk about erotic experiences, and your partner loves to try new things. But if not? If you are unable to anticipate your partner’s reaction, it might be a slightly difficult conversation. This post is here to help you navigate those tricky waters. We want you to try the couples’ massage! We want you guys to love it so much you return. But it all starts with a conversation…so let’s plan it out like a battle strategy.
Place, time and mood
First, the basics. Choose a time when your partner might be receptive. That means, not when he’s just had a gruelling day at work. Not when you’ve been arguing. And most certainly not if you haven’t had sex in a while. The latter just screams “I need new experiences because you are not enough!” and it’s a surefire way to make your partner feel defensive, sad and hostile. You know when the right time is. It’s when you’re hanging out, having fun, maybe feeling a little frisky. It’s when you can talk about anything and everything. For example, it might be that night when you’re lounging on the couch with a glass of wine, playing the “would you sleep with…” game and bursting into fits of laughter. That’s a good time. That’s the one you want.
If you are about to propose a shared sensual massage, you will want to take your conversation in that direction first. Get your partner talking about erotic experiences and fantasies. Encourage him to open up as much as he wants and take the opportunity to remind him how sexy you find him. Finally, introduce him to your idea by saying something like: “what do you think about having a couples massage together?”. It’s casual, open and signals to him that he is in control of the situation.
The conversation about gay couples’ massage
There is no real formula other than “propose the idea and see what he has to say”, but there are better and worse ways to go about it. Here are some tips.
Do not: speak as if you’ve already decided (“I’m booking us a couples massage”), in a way that puts pressure on your partner (“let’s have a couples massage!”) or as if it’s a big deal (“I know it’s quite out of the blue, but I’ve been thinking for a while, and I believe that we should have a couples massage”). Don’t bargain (“let’s do this and we can do what you want next time”). If your partner feels cornered, he will fight back. If you make it sound like a big deal, he will start to feel as if it’s a big deal, and worry about what it might mean for your relationship. And by bargaining, you risk prodding him into something he isn’t ready for. A successful massage depends on relaxation, so that would be counterproductive.
Do: emphasise the joint experience (“together”), your partner’s agency (“what do you think?”) and keep the focus on your partner (“I’d love to watch you receiving an erotic massage”). Essentially, you want your partner to feel that you are seeking a new experience for your relationship, not outside of your relationship. Knowing that you are interested in him and his opinion will make him more receptive to what you have to say.
If your partner says no
What does ‘no’ mean? No. Even if you could convince your partner, he would likely not enjoy himself and you risk negatively affecting your relationship. In addition, here’s an unpleasant word: coercion.
Respecting your partner means respecting his right to decide for himself.
So if you have laid out your case and he said no, accept it. He might change his mind or he might not, but the decision rests with him. Don’t be sullen or give him the silent treatment. Instead, say that you are glad you’ve talked about it, and assure him that you wouldn’t want to do anything that he doesn’t want. This will remind him that you care about him and it will help remove any sense of insecurity that he might be feeling. Ultimately, your relationship is more important than a massage.
Breaking the rules
The above are just helpful tips in case you feel like you need some pointers. You know your partner the way nobody else does, so no rule book in the world will be better than you in choosing the right words. For example, if your partner is a thrill-seeker with a hunger for new experiences, you can disregard a lot of the above advice and even book a gay couples massage as a surprise for him. However, if you are way less sure about how your partner might react, the above tips should put you on the right track for discussing new erotic experiences. And finally, if you are in London, we will be there when you are ready to book your couples massage. Read the massage description together with your partner and let us know how you like your massage. We’ll make it something to remember for you both.
After the gay couples’ massage
If a couples massage is a new experience for you and your partner, don’t forget the aftercare. After the session, find a comfortable time to discuss what happened and your feelings about the experience.
Some of the questions you might want to cover:
- Did your partner enjoy himself? Did you?
- Would you both like to do this again?
- If you were to have a gay couples massage again, would you want to do anything differently?
Having the space to discuss what happened will further establish that it was a shared experience, and you might pick up some ideas about what you would like to do next. If you are not yet tired of all this talking, give us (or your masseurs) some feedback too. It will be appreciated.