Apart from the lucky few, everyone gets the jitters when booking their first m2m massage. However, for many this fear evaporates as familiarity increases. After a visit or two, the unknown becomes a source of excitement rather than fear. However, for shy men the reality can be very different. This post is not merely a set of tips for overcoming shyness, but a recognition that shyness is common and can make one’s life difficult in many ways. This one is for shy men and those who would like to understand them better.

What makes m2m massage difficult for shy men?

There are many potential sources of anxiety in male massage, and different things can be difficult for each individual man. First of all, the booking. Many shy men don’t like speaking on the phone, and even communicating with someone in real time by text can induce anxiety. In order to choose the right massage option, a potential client sometimes has to ask a few questions. The intimate nature of gay massage can make such conversations daunting. Then, the big issue: undressing in front of a stranger.

There can also be various other questions: what if I don’t find the masseur attractive? What if the masseur doesn’t find me attractive? What do I say when I come in? How will I know what I can and cannot do during the massage? What if I’m ticklish? That’s a lot of social cues and sensitive points to navigate.

Problems that might arise due to shyness

In avoiding the potential sources of anxiety, a shy man might end up having a substandard massage experience. He might not ask enough questions when booking a massage, thus failing to inform himself and being unable to select the option that suits him best. He might book a massage, then not turn up, and get blacklisted as a “no show”. Sometimes shy men leave during the massage or before it even begins, being unable to relax. Furthermore, they might be unable to communicate with the masseur if something feels uncomfortable, or if they would like more attention to a particular part of their body. Thus they might not be getting the full benefit from their massage. If the massage fell below par, they are less likely to get in touch with the agency or masseur to complain.

Considering the many issues that can arise, a shy man might feel reluctant to book a massage experience at all. He might prefer to stay within his comfort zone, even if it puts limits on the breadth of life experience that he can have.

Working with shyness

Shyness is not an illness, although anxiety is a mental health condition (and the two don’t necessarily overlap). The power to overcome shyness rests in the shy man himself, but there are also things that others can do. In the context of m2m massage, agencies and masseurs can offer some assistance. And it all starts with clear lines of  communication.

Male hands holding a smartphone

Shy men might prefer to book via text or e-mail. Photo by Pixnio.

An agency contact or a masseur can encourage a shy person to ask questions, and volunteer information in an open and thoughtful way. We also have a clear cancellation policy. It’s perfectly fine to cancel a booking, just please let us know so it’s not a no-show. When working with a shy client, the masseur can take the lead and talk him through the next steps, removing the uncertainty of “what should I do now?”. A good masseur will always read the body language of his client, but asking questions helps to avoid misunderstandings and can encourage a shy client to speak up.

Finally, familiarity does make things easier, even if it takes some time. A shy man might feel more comfortable having a few massages with the same masseur, before venturing out to see what other options are on offer. And the masseurs generally enjoy working with shy clients, because they are likely to be considerate and well mannered. Furthermore, there is a great sense of accomplishment when you help somebody come out of their shell and find enjoyment in a new activity.

Unlocking the potential

A question might arise. If booking a m2m massage can be so difficult for shy men, why do it at all? Firstly, shyness should not stand in the way of exploring everything life has to offer. Secondly, a gay massage can actually help with shyness. As much as it can be frightening to share an intimate experience with a stranger, ultimately it can be uplifting and liberating. Partly this comes from the sense of power one feels when they overcome their fear. An enjoyable massage creates an association between an interaction with a stranger and pleasure, thus making pleasure seem like a more likely outcome in future interactions. This is sometimes called “exposure therapy”. What is more, if shyness is linked to sexual issues, an intimate experience (our Tantric massage is great for this) can help resolve both.

Extreme shyness and anxiety

Finally, a word of warning for shy men. “Taking the plunge” should always be done in the way that feels safe to you. This means speaking to the agency or masseur, planning meticulously and giving yourself some encouragement. It should not be done if the shyness is extreme, or if you suffer from severe anxiety. If your anxiety becomes uncontrollable, you will likely leave or have a panic attack, which will make this into a negative experience and this anxiety will be even harder to overcome in the future. Instead, sufferers of severe anxiety and extreme shyness should turn to a psychotherapist for help, and work with them until the time comes when they feel ready to overcome their fears. Then, by all means, get in touch and let us help you discover something amazing.

  • Looking for a therapist for anxiety or extreme shyness? Don’t take a chance and look on the BACP register to ensure you find a qualified therapist. Use ‘LGBT’ as a search term, then filter the results for ‘anxiety’. That way you will see the results for therapists who are expressly happy to work with gay men.

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Photo at the top of the article is by Vitabello via Pixabay.