In this article, we look at how tantric masseurs maintain that fragile work-life balance. We talk to Taras, a masseur from London, who gives us a peek into his experience of managing both his job and his relationship at the same time, and Denis (name changed at his request), who is struggling to do the same.

How do you meet someone as a masseur?

This might not sound like a problem at all. Tantric masseurs are good with people, which makes them a desirable addition to any gathering. They’re also used to focussing on one other person and giving them the attention they need, which makes them great companions. The issue arises when you want to have a relationship with someone, but you have an inkling that they might have an issue with your work.

Taras, a professional masseur from London, suggests being open and honest from the beginning:

‘If you think this the job for you – don’t try to fit in when you meet or have met someone. Be open about what you do, but remember this is the job like any other.’

But even if you’re open and honest, it is often hard to meet a partner who doesn’t feel threatened by the sensual elements of your work. Any masseur you meet will be able to tell you stories of broken hearts, jealousy and just plain old disapproval. Denis (also from London) thinks that you have to accept that you can’t control the situation:

‘He might be uncomfortable with it, and that’s that. It’s his right. You have to accept it and make your decision. One day you will meet someone who’s ok with who you are and what you do.’

Maintaining a healthy relationship

However, ‘one day’ can mean a long time. Denis is currently single. He doesn’t want to go into detail, but his last relationship broke down last year. Meanwhile, Taras and his partner enjoy an exceptionally strong bond:

‘I am falling in love with my partner again and again. He is a very caring person. None of the moments with clients can ever compare to the care he can offer. I am learning a lot from him.’

The two masseurs are quite different. Not only in their relationship status, but also in how they manage their relationships. Taras has worked as a full-time masseur for over two years now and met his partner less than a year ago. They also work together from time to time:

‘He is the partner I work with to offer four-handed massage. I am finding this combination very fulfilling for our relationship.’

Denis, a masseur for 1.5 years, also met his partner during that time, but they never were in the same line of work. As a result, they had markedly different schedules:

‘He was an analyst working in the City. Maybe it’s part of what made it hard, waking up at different times. I worked late sometimes.’

Whilst Taras has a partner who fully understands his work and supports him, he agrees that it’s not always that way for tantric masseurs in relationships. ‘It was a long journey. I had a few relationships which fell apart because of the work I do.‘

Relationship tips for tantric masseurs

Male gazing into the shadows

The crushing majority of tantric masseurs are single.

From the outside, it looks like it’s not easy meeting the right person. The crushing majority of tantric masseurs are single, some thinking that they would change jobs when they decide to ‘settle down’ for a relationship. But for those who are determined to have both – the job they love and the person they love – how do they make it work?

Denis believes it’s about keeping the two separate:

‘Don’t talk about work at home, don’t work from home. I mean, don’t give detail about your work in normal everyday conversation, but be honest if your boyfriend asks about something. So it’s keeping some distance between work and home, but keeping no secrets. Secrets kill a relationship.’

To Taras, physical closeness is very important:

‘Always have a plan B to secure income. Always look after your needs, especially sexual. Put your partner’s sexual needs first. My partner does know when I am myself or distant.
I know his needs better than anyone else, and he knows about mine. What I can do with him I would never do with a client because of the level of connection and trust we have in each other.’

In the end, it seems that it’s less important whether you work together or not, and more important how much time and energy you devote to each other. Different couples can have different needs, but the need for attention, time spent together and a good sexual dynamic remains the same.

Life during the lockdown

Finally, like any article being published right now, we can’t ignore the big issue – COVID19 pandemic. So we asked both masseurs what their work looks like now that everyone is social distancing.

Taras can see the silver lining:

‘Since the new measurements took place, I tool only a few bookings with the clients I met before.  The sequence has changed completely. I am more cautious, or maybe I have more to offer and focus on. The last guy I worked with had his first full-body orgasm. It was spectacular.
Currently the whole industry in standby mode. I am reinventing myself and my skills. Offering online workshops free of charge.’

Denis agrees:

‘It’s hard, because you have your job and then you don’t, but it’s not all bad. In the beginning it was very difficult, just to get up and do something. I’m not very motivated when I’m not working. But now I read, exercise and wait for a better time. I hope this will not last very long.’

We hope so too. This could be a particularly trying time for people in relationships, whether living together or separately, and a financially difficult time for all masseurs. Whilst we wait, we will continue the conversation – about relationships, wellbeing and massage. If you have a story to share or any other comments, please get in touch.

Taras, London, is a tantric masseur at TJ Tantra.
Denis (named changed at his request), London, is a tantric masseur at Touch of London.